Sensei Clause

First Timers

First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

Who shived you in the neck?

Blogger Profile: The name's Northe.
Been blogging since: September 2004.
View my complete profile here.

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By popular demand I am going to divert from the usual work day brain hemorrhage and go back into my past. Angry Time is not limited to mere workday stunts and madness. Nay I say! Angry Time has humble beginnings.. and unlike most people that talk a lot of crap about people, the Champion-King of Angry Time can back it up with pain bringing. Yes Angry Timers, Northe (speaking about myself in the third person makes me seem more godlike) knows martial arts and isn't afraid to talk about how, even back then, was cursed with idiots on professional levels.

Disclaimer: Just like the work stories, these stories are true and, loyal Angry Timer, HMT can back up every fuckin' thing I say.

Enter Sensei Clause. A pudding of a man on the surface, standing at about 5'5" and weighing in at 185lbs he looked more like a bowler than a martial artist. This observation couldn't be more incorrect and before I continue let me just clarify that I am more than aware that upon discovery of this blog by Sensei Clause and discovery of where I now reside, my testicles would be ground into a fine powder in between his toes. This guy was one badass martial artist. He was not only extremely talented but, like a furious hippo, could move pretty frikkin quick when jostled.

I basically stumbled across this dojo near my university with the interest of continuing my childhood passion. No, this was not one of those institutions where most people go in and pay for colored belts and learn nothing.. I never studied Take One's Dough (Tae Kwon Do *pa-rumph!*). That's about as witty as I get guys, that's why I have to use real life to amuse people instead of jokes, sorry. So I started training with my Sensei and it was probably the best decision I made, martial arts-wise, in my life. With all good decisions comes exposure to heightened idiocy and the ability to hold back comments while in the presence of complete assholes. Call it corporate training, I don't know.

This is merely an introduction to Sensei Clause so lets start off with some quick notes that will later serve as a reference guide.

1. Sensei Clause grew up on the mean streets of a big city. He ran with gangs and took no guff. One day he met with his future sensei, Frankie. (Much more on him another time.)

2. Sensei Clause has the immune system of a komodo dragon. He gets sick next to never and when he does he refuses to take medicine.. per se. Instead, Sensei Clause's self-proclaimed snake oil is Pepsi and Doritos.

3. Sensei Clause avoids all forms of social etiquette when it comes to the workplace. He dates a student, never washes his jock strap and makes the kids class clean up after him thinly veiled as "games" when they should be training.

4. Sensei Clause enjoys playing poker.

5. Sensei Clause must be the center of attention in any situation outside of the dojo.

6. Sensei Clause suffers from an ailment that flares up and dies down at curious times.

7. Sensei Clause grand stands and tells stories to impress the teens.

8. Sensei Clause made the biggest mistake of his life making HMT and Northe assistant instructors for his dojo.

I look forward to really bringing in the reigns on this character and will probably do so once a week for the next couple months to serve as a break between the normal office asshattery. These stories won't disappoint, they made me look at life in such a different perspective and the best part is I had someone sane enough to actually share it with. When everything is said and done with this character you will not only know what a "crane beak" is, but you will know where its best applied on a foe. Enjoy the weekend!

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