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Written by Northe
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Wednesday, 21 September 2005 00:00 |
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First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories. Scenario #1: The dogs and Demonseed are going bananas cuz someone is in the house. Barking like mad and loud squawking.. totally typical, right? Well, how do we deal with this? NO! Not training or discipline you idiots! Instead, do what Female Boss does:
"Is that a kitty outside? Doggies do you see the kitty outside?"
The cliff hanger we're awaiting is if this phrase can outsmart the dogs and stop them from barking. The bonus question is are the dogs even smart enough to know that Female Boss is talking to them let alone what she is even trying to communicate. Take some time to yourselves.
Scenario #2: Its garage sale time! It's a week before the big day and Female Boss has to put signs up around the neighborhood to let the world know. Making this a team effort I design some fliers using Photoshop. Female Boss is thrilled and I got paid to actually do something that was rather enjoyable for a change. Everybody wins!
Application: The next morning.
"Did you see the signs on the way here?" asks Female Boss.
Now, I must confess, being a male and being that it was the morning, I am not a very observant individual. Furthermore, being Champion-King of Angry Time the last thing on my mind is what is on other's people's mind. In short, rarely do I give a shit. I don't think I need to explain further.
"No, I didn't notice, but I wasn't looking for them either," I say.
"Oh okay, well I put them up everywhere and was wondering if they were still up. I thought that it would be overkill using staples so I just used scotch tape instead."
Scotch tape.. on telephone polls.. telephone polls that have been exposed to the elements for decades.. telephone polls that are filthy dirty and getting anything aside from krazy glue to adhere to them is next to impossible. As I am leaving work I see a few of my fliers in the gutter and one flier holding on with its last ounce of strength blowing in the breeze, face side down. Surprisingly the garage sale wasn't a big success. Go figure.
Scenario #3: I'm getting ready to leave work. I do the usual run of the mill with Female Boss, talk about what we are going to do for the evening and if we are having something worth mentioning for dinner. Whatever. Nothing special, just formalities. So as I am headed to the door, her final question to me before she went to the backyard to garden was, "Northe, do you want any vitamins?"
Then she walked out.
What if I did? Then what!? You fuckin' left you fuckin nut!
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