First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

So here I sit at my desk doing my daily duties to ensure my livelihood at this company and Female Boss comes back from hitting up this new supermarket in town.  Its one of those smaller ones.  I believe this one used to be a 4 screen movieplex or some shit that was converted to a grocery store.  Its dog ugly from the outside and the name is something like Super Irving Mart or some shit.  I mean, what the hell?  Obviously, no shred of creativity left anywhere in the owner's feeble brain.

Anyway, in she comes after lunch with some eats in hand from the new store.  I can hear her unpacking some stuff from plastic bags.  This is a good sign as it usually means she bought something for me.  Its commonplace for this to occur and is always welcome.  This may become a surprise to you all, but she has exquisite taste in food.. very high class when she can afford it, I might add.  So in she comes to the office.  Picture me with a knife in one hand, fork in the other and a napkin stuffed into my shirt collar draped down to my belt.

"Hey Northe, have you been to Super Irving Mart?"

"No, not yet," I say as I lick my chops.

"Oh, you gotta go.  Its awesome in there."

Blah blah blah.  The conversation goes on for a good ten minutes about how great the place is and I make snide remarks about how ugly it is and how she paid $9.00 for a not-so-big salad is kinda crazy for a grocery store.  Female Boss is undeterred by my remarks and the conversation helped time pass.  Once we are done, Female Boss starts with the muttering.

"Oh, its really great."

"Some good stuff in there."

"Fresh fruit too."

These mutterings happen at very low volume and probably a couple minutes apart from each other.  Obviously she is fixated on this new place.  I am curious to go check it out.  Maybe this is one of her Jedi mindtricks.  Well, it almost worked.  Just as I was thinking about hitting the place after work she mutters:

"It was really impressive they had so much food there."

Really!?  Holy shit!  Can you imagine walking into a fucking grocery store and seeing an abundance of food choices?  I know I can't!  I mean who thinks of both aisles of foodstuffs and a supermarket in the same day?  Fucking idiot!  Master of the fucking obvious.  Holder of no-brainer knowledge and crier of the idiots!

Some things really set me off, shocking I know since I am so mild-mannered, but this was one of em.  I have grown such a hatred for stupidity that even the slightest utterance that is somewhere within the realm of dumb makes me lop off minotaur heads.  Fuck.  It's so damn frustrating.  Fuck!  And who the fuck are you talking to you crazy lunatic!?  Who!?  Cuz it isn't me!  Not anymore! I only have to put on a shit-faced grin and give you obligatory sounds confirming that our conversation has a pulse when you bring me food!  You didn't!  So stop talking out loud!

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