First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

The Professional and I have started building on our relationship.  I decided a few months back to give him a call on his cell during the weekend just to fuck with the guy and exchange random stories.  He was pretty happy to hear from me, we shot the breeze, he told me a few jokes and that was that.  Every now and then, when I'm the right amount of bored, I'll give him a call on the weekend and see what's up.  Its all good times and I think he appreciates my sense of humor when it comes to work.  It also gives him a chance to vent about work, Male Boss, Female Boss and Clients.  These topics are unfortunately a little too in detail about the work that I do and the people I work with so they're for me only.. sorry, sirs.

To switch the topic and show a little silver lining to you folks I tend to give The Professional shit about how every time, well not every time but most of the time, when he comes into the office he scrounges around the kitchen for food.  He likes to grab something small, hand-held, bite size and the like to just take on his way out.  Playing on this behavioral pattern I decided to spend a few bucks on some pretty damn legit looking, and feeling, fake fruit and strategically place them by my desk.  I let Female Boss in on the trick and she thought it would be hilarious.

The Professional comes in.

"Hey Professional, my father's apple tree has been doing pretty good lately, share in the bounty."

"Don't mind if I do, thank you."

He picks up the apple and right before he actually sunk his teeth into the thing he realizes its fake.  We get a good laugh over it and he gives me a snide look.  I'll take that outcome every time and in excellent fashion it keeps happening.  Just about every other week I'll place a fake piece of fruit in the kitchen or something like that.  I have several types of fruit now too so its harder for him to tell.

"Damn it Northe, I am hungry and you like to fuck with me."

I just laugh at him and scheme for the next time.  The best part is Female Boss decided to get in on the gag by buying a few more pieces of fake fruit.  Being that they have a different look than the ones I bought he may be able to recognize the same old pieces, but with Female Boss in the picture now the test subject will be pressed for intelligence.  Unfortunately, I wasn't here for this next one cuz it happened late night but Female Boss tells me it went something like this:

"The Professional came in after you left and asked if he could have a piece of fruit from the kitchen.  I told him, 'Sure but I think Northe might have planted some fake ones for you.'  What he didn't know is that every single piece of fruit in the kitchen was fake so he went from fruit to fruit cursing your name."

Fuck!  That woulda been sweet to see.  Kudos to Female Boss for actually pulling it off too.  Hook, line and sinker too with the setup.  I gotta find some new ways to chum up the water and keep him on his toes.  Suggestions are welcome.

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