First time? Start here. Read "The Primer" and follow the link at the end. Chronological order makes more sense for the stories.

If there's one thing martial arts teaches you, its awareness.  Its knowing what your surroundings are, possible threats and if your inherent awareness isn't up to par use your fuckin eyes to confirm perception!  I can't even waste your time with lead up material without losing my fuckin temper anymore.  Damn it all!

I'm finishing up a phone call and one of the other phone lines starts to ring.  Its on its third ring by the time I hang up.  Good thing Female Boss is sitting next to me on top of it.  No, not really.  Instead, I am going to have to pick it up, she must be avoiding someone or perhaps is deep in thought like Ralph Wiggum, trying to figure out "where the world goes when the drapes are closed at night."  God, I love The Simpsons.  I also love being a Line Pirate.  In fact, I think I even pirated the term Line Pirate from someone else.  Awesome!

So since she's not going to lift a finger in the office today, I answer the phone.

"Yello," I says.

Then, as I am speaking to the clod on the other end of the phone I hear Female Boss asking questions.

"What?  What?  Northe?  Are you talking to me?"

Stupid fuckin idiot.  She's not even looking at me and no she's not trying to be funny.  At all.  She's dead ass serious.

"Thanks for calling.  Bye."

I hang up the phone and look at her.

"Oh God, I'm sorry.  I didn't realize you were on the phone."

How?  How do you not seek answers?  How do you sit there like a slug, barking out shit when you cannot even get a grasp on your personal 5' radius!?  What in the fuck is the problem here?  Do you not hear the phone ringing, do you not see the light on the phone in front of your fucking face lighting up and displaying the caller ID on the 1x4 inch display screen?  What in the fuck is going on in your head!?  Anything?  Anything at all?  FUCK!

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