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Female Boss Buys a GPS PDF Print E-mail
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Written by Northe   
Tuesday, 30 June 2009 05:24

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My everyday scab picking and keyboard breaking grind is brought to a halt by Female Boss arriving at the office before 10:30 and even before Male Boss for once.  With little more energy than a sleepy koala, Female Boss slumps in to the computer area with a glum look on her mug.  Being the concerned citizen I can only hope that she has had a grief stricken weekend with nothing but despair to report.  Instead, she starts off the dialogue with, "I bought a GPS over the weekend."

"Is that a fact?" I ask her.

"Yes!  Have you ever owned one of these GPS thingies?" she asks me.

I answer by telling her that I do own a GPS but that I was not savvy enough in the realms of hi-tech gadgetry to qualify for the Thingie model of said GPS.

"They're pretty shitty," she says under her breath.

I ask her why she thinks that they are shitty.

Female Boss goes on to tell me, "Well, the guy at Radio Shack.."

Sidebar:  A quick commentary on Radio Shack.  I don't know about other parts of the country, but Radio Shacks out here are the equivalent of going to 7-11 for a sushi dinner.  Most fall under the umbrella of being a total shit sty and are the size of a child's bedroom packed from floor to ceiling with refurbished out-dated technology from decades passed.  I probably haven't stepped in to one in a good 15 years and never would with all the other options I have.

Continuing, "..and the guy showed me how everything works.  I told him how great this would be as we do a lot of driving around and so he suggested the car charger.  So he sells me the car charger and from there everything goes down hill."

Having no clue that a car charger spells doom and gloom for the common reject I ask her to expound.

"Well, the first night the thing drained my battery!"

"Ok hold on, it drained your car battery?" I ask.

"Yes!" she burps.

Realizing that this brilliant specimen most likely left the GPS unit a) on and b) plugged into her power jack, I absolutely can't wait to see what else happens.

The end of the day does not disappoint.  Female Boss and Male Boss both leave the office about 20 minutes before closing time as I am left to lock up and finish a few more things before going home.  Those 20 minutes drop off the clock and when I go outside I see Male Boss' car making sweet electrical cable love to Female Boss' car.  My first edumacated guess, drained battery due to GPS?  Learning from past actions or occurences is not within her mental capacities.. I know, this comes as quite the shock to me too given her stellar pedigree.

Oh, worry not friends, it doesn't end there.  About two weeks later, Female Boss gets a lead from a new client.  Client wants to meet with her at their office.  Female Boss is all kinds of flustered as neither Male Boss or The Professional are around to pick up her slack (read as: go instead).  She's going on and on about how far away their office is and how she was given directions over the phone by Client but "wasn't really paying attention" because "[she] thought that they wouldn't really want her to show up." (Whatever that even means.)

In the midst of flexing her judgment amidst her breakdown she starts blabbering like an addict on a 12-hour stay from the black tar heroin, "..and its not like I could just use my GPS or I'd be stranded in the middle of no where!"

If I shook my head any more I am pretty sure my noggin would spin free of my spine like a twist off bottle cap.

Female Boss slams her hands down on her desk in frustration, "What the hell am I gonna do?  I buy the stupid thing to give me an edge and it has been nothing but problems!  This is about as far from space age technology as you can get!  What good is it if you can't even use it in your car!?"

I offer no response.  I can't even humor her.  She never goes to meet up with Client.  Instead, she opts to wallow in her own stupidity.  Fine by me, just reinforces the fact that her idiocy knows no bounds.